Amanda's Advice
Choosing Between Partner And Parents
Dear Amanda,
I am 26 years old and for the last two years I have been dating this woman behind my parents' back. I really love her but I feel that If my father found out we were seeing each other they would make me break up with her. She has been married before and has four children. She is also I0 years older than me I know my parents will think she is a bad Influence, but I really love her.
The trouble is, I love my parents too and I don't want to turn me back on them.
What should I do?
- Angelo
Matraville
Dear Angelo,
If you think of this as - or would like to think of it as - a serious longterm relationship, with the possibility of marriage in the future, then make that clear to your girlfriend. If she agrees with your assessment, and feels as strongly about you as you do about her. then it is time to be more honest with your parents.
I understand that from many viewpoints this may be a difficult situation for your parents - not only her age, but the fact that she already has four children (and thus may not want more), and is divorced (of which many people do not approve). However, I am sure that just as you love your parents and don't want to lose them, they love you. Eventually, with a struggle, if you gradually introduce her to them and include them in your life, they should come around and see the value of the woman you love,
If, though, when talking to your girlfriend, she has a different view on the relationship, and sees it as a more transient thing, then you should probably just enjoy the relationship without bringing in your parents, and move on to a more appropriate and easier relationship in the future.
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