Amanda's Advice
The "C" - Word - Commitment
Dear Amanda,
My boyfriend's sister just told me that she has a crush on my older brother and I'm a bit worried about how things are going to develop. I really like her and I love my brother, but I know what he's like when it comes to girls: he has no desire to commit to anyone at the moment.
She, on the other hand, is looking for a long-term relationship and feels that she can change his mind about the commitment thing. The trouble Is, my boyfriend is very protective of his sister and I can't stand to hear my brother criticised, so I can see arguments developing between the two of us as a result of their relationship (or lack thereof).
What should I do if it all blows up?
- Hayley
Mt. Pleasant
Dear Hayley,
This really is their problem, not yours. As a friend, you have already pointed out your concerns about your brother's willingness to commit. As a sister, you have no role to play in advising your brother on how to behave. As a girlfriend, you have the right to be treated with respect and be distinguished in your boyfriend's eyes from your brother. He has to understand that you cannot be held responsible for your brother's behaviour even though you choose not to engage in slanging matches about him
If ever the discussion about your brother and his sister comes up, you have to be prepared to be uninvolved and say, "I love my brother and I cannot bear it that you criticise him to me, so can we please drop it." If his sister is hurt, there is no reason why you cannot comfort her, as you would any friend, and even hear her comments about your brother. The key will be to refrain from "I told you so!
Basically, it has to be up to them or not to make their own choices, make their own mistakes - or not.
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