Amanda's Advice
Wife Unhappy In Hostile Marriage
Dear Amanda,
My husband and I have struggled to be happy together for the 14 years of our marriage. We never go out anywhere together. The fun has gone. We haven't been intimate for over a year now. He uses our three beautiful children to get affection and to get vindication that he is right/I am wrong all the time.
This really is hard to take and the children now think and react in all sorts of strange ways to me. The atmosphere at home is extremely hostile. The rest of my life is great. But my husband won't even open up at counselling, which we have tried.
I'm terribly upset by the state of my marriage all the time, and centre my life around the children, but what will happen when they grow up?
- Ms M.R
Rural Victoria
Dear Ms M.R.
You are right to be concerned that you are allowing your life to be dominated by the negative state of your marriage, and that your children have taken centre-stage as a result. We of course need to be child-focussed during our parenting years, but unless you also have a life of your own now, you will be terribly lonely as your children need you less and less. And there is nothing designed to upset a normal parent/child relationship more than a needy parent.
If you have decided that you want to stay in your marriage no matter what, and if marital counselling is not effective, then it is time for you to take responsibility for your own happiness, despite the state of your marriage. Look to yourself and, with help, you will find a way of making your own happiness, which will not interfere with your positive relationship with your children.
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